yeah, ruin my cd jewel case, why don't you?

This is something that has been bothering me for a long time. I'm just pissed off now because I got some cds today and it got me all riled up. Does anyone know why, oh why, cd manufacturers put these damn things on the outer edge of the cd jewel case?


They're useless, annoying, and incredibly difficult to peel off the plastic. I decided to google "cd case barcode sticker" to see if I could figure out what the purpose of these little devil stickers are. Mostly what I found was websites where you can buy the little fuckers. Yeah.

I did find one blurb that seemed to indicate that the stickers are an anti-theft device, that they make it difficult for shoplifters to open the case. Well, guess what, brainiacs? If it's difficult for the shoplifters it's gonna be difficult for the paying customers too... I absolutely depise having sticky glue and random bits of plastic stuck to my jewel cases. Argh.

In what was otherwise a fruitless google search, I came across a clever article entitled Top 10 Things I Hate About CDs . Click the link and read it, it's hilarious and brilliant for several reasons:

1. Though I'm not quite as anal as the author, I do agree with at least half of his Top 10.
   


2. The author name drops several artists that I like: The Shins; Mountain Goats; Super Furry Animals; Broken Social Scene (You Forgot It In People); Arcade Fire; Sigur Ros.
   


3. There are so many wonderfully British colloquialisms in the article that by the time I was finished, my inner voice was reading it with an accent.
   


4. Someone out there is just as obbsessive-compulsive as my older brother. #6 - "inconsistent spine writing" has my brother written all over it. He keeps his CDs in their jewel cases so that when you open the case the CD is straight, like this:
   
   
   
   I assure you I am not joking... and actually my Hold Steady CD may be slightly too crooked for his tastes. Once, he had a party and I got bored. I sat and turned every 4th or 5th CD of his so that it was at an angle. I guarantee that when he discovered the first one, he checked them ALL.
   
   
5. OK, I have to include the whole of "#5: Nipples"...
   
   

   "I really, really hate it when the jewel case cover has those sharp little nipples to keep the booklet in rather than either the round nipples or the vertical slats, because the sharp nipples crease and rip the booklet. Then you have to buy a new one and get a new case. And spend ages in the shop hunting through racks of seemingly identical (to the ignorant bystander) CDs just to find one with no nipple-damage. And then the assistant manager throws you out of the shop for fondling the CDs again because he thinks you’re a pervert. I’m not a pervert! The bastard who invented the slatty-nipple is a pervert! Getting perverse joy from MY suffering! Bastard!"

Classic.

I figure as long as I'm using my new Hold Steady as an example, I may as well listen to it.

First Night

charlemagne shakes in the streets
gideon makes love to the suites
holly's not invincible
in fact she's in the hospital.
not far from the bar where we met
on that first night.

charlemagne pulls street corner scams
gideon's got a pipe made from a pringles can
holly's insatiable
she still looks incredible.
but she don't look like the same girl we met
on that first night.

she was golden with barlight and beer.
she slept like she'd never been scared.

and then last night
she said words alone never could save us.
and then last night
she cried when she told us about jesus.

holly's inconsolable
unhinged and uncontrollable.
because we can't get as high as we got
on that first night.

boys and girls in america.

don't bother talking to the guys
with the hot soft eyes.
they're already taken.
don't even speak
to all those sequencer and beats boys.

when they kiss they spit white noise.
white noise.